I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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