my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
