I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
