Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you didnt know i had herpes?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize