i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
