i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
