How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
