So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
