She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
