..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
only you would photoshop your dick
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
