May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
