Please, let me fuck your mom
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I didn't notice because vodka
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize