i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize