Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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