you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
