so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
