i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
