So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
