i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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