Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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