did you get engaged???
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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