just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
