he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
