i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
