why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
