I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
