So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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