I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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