Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
