my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
