Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
