I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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