come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
