I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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