I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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