I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
