I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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