Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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