already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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