my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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