Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
