Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
