what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
