his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize