Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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