worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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