so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You are the jesus of drinking
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
