A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
