im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
