Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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