they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
