1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That's intense
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
