we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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