3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize