If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
