I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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