Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
