you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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