Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There r osticjed everywhere
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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