he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
