one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
