Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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