you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
