she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
