Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Randomize
