god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
