i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
