i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
