I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
