When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
